TO SAY ..

And it is when the talks get over,
As I search for what more to say,
Some silence stands between two,
She too fumbles her words they say

EMOTIONS

As emotions betrayed me,
Cheated I felt also by me,
So much I tried to hold on,
Also knew that it was wrong,
He who tamed the feelings,
Is not a soul anywhere to know,
So much I resisted but It did go,
Trust I don't the emotions now,
Foolish and false it made me how,

FREEDOM AND SKIES

Can I be free for today,
Afloat in the calm sky,
No worries to tie down,
Stars and the moon I see,
Serenity they shine on,
Hold the time is all I say,
But chaos seems this day.

CHOICE OF LIFE

The work is not life in true,
But do remains my choice,
I thought something rich,
Some enchantment it was,
Only the dreams said so,
To live life with spirit alive,
With few passions beside,
Counting all my miles right,
Start I do for awaits the end.

THAT NIGHT

Was it that wine,
Or merely the time,
It makes sense now,
It was all chaos then,
The flow and friends,
Changed they have now,
To write more hurts me,
For these old memories,
Are quite heady and high

ABOUT YOU

I have been thinking about you,
Though my future does not hold you,
I know it is some foolishness with me,
An addiction I refuse to fight and see,
But sweet and satisfying it is for now,
Because you are just so much wow,
So I go back to you and wait for you,
In my thoughts wonderful as a pair,
Wish I could tell how much I care.

MY DESIRES

A change is what I seek,
Yet all my trials seem weak,
Be appreciated is all I want,
But all I do is waste and flaunt,
To reach out to one and all is my aim,
But I hardly have time for the same,
It is her across I silently admire,
But love is what I secretly desire.
With theses muddled thoughts inside,
How can I ever live with peace on outside.

TAKE IT EASY

This post is about something I have started feeling due to an incident long back. I realize the lessons learnt hold true today too. Should we go for multiple experiences in a short span of time? Wanting to have it all at a stretch of hand or have patience to stand and walk a little for that every new experience. Well there was that time I wanted to cram every possible feeling, experience the rush. But that eventually led to a failure and loosing a probable good friend. It was like serve me Chinese, Indian, Continental and Italian all at one time. I tasted every dish but in the end hardly carried a happy stomach or face in my case.

People say that those who want it all are the ambitious ones. They have a sense of urgency all the time which is not at all bad and works well for them. I really don't know about it because I have never been like that. But yes meeting such people was bliss because their enthusiasm or the so called urgency to hop from one task to another at a time was kind of electric to watch. I personally have been the one trailing at snail's pace wanting and dreaming to do lots of things and in search of new experience always. But come to think the speed of my life is itself getting to be deterrent in realizing all those said stuff. 

Now there is line between a laid back attitude and the one who carefully and methodically does things taking his own time to wrap up one issue at a time. During a large bundle of time till now I was under the impression of being the methodical one. But finally it has dawned upon me that I had crossed the line to be a lazy laid back snail who hardly has chance of making his wishes come true.

For me being an indecisive kind of person is new. I always took pride in my decision making approach. Now it is not same as the very decisions I took in past are the ones I regret terribly. Yes quite often we hear elders saying and moral science books repeating that one should never have any regrets in life but honestly we all have some. 

The title of this post indicates my thinking methodology till now. Soon in future there might be another post with a title 'I made my way'. Till then I will work to make this EASY a little UNEASY.

SIMPLE TRUTHS

Fun, joy and happiness,
Is all it takes to live the life,
Even if there is no money,
And you do miss your honey,
A laughter along the way,
Works like the dollar pay,
Sharing with and caring for,
The friends and family do adore,
Save those giggles and the cries,
For it takes all to becomes wise,
If this rhyming makes you uneasy,
Read again and again this poem,
For it is not at all  that cheesy.

MUSIC

All I want is to hear,
Some acoustic for ear,
Rap and blues I like.
Classics are also fine,
But when music flows,
Do not remind of time,
For it feels like sipping,
An earthy and smooth wine

SOMETHING ABOUT NOTHING

I thought to write a song,
But words scared me a lot,
A poem I thought would be easy,
But rhyming is not my way ,
Then a simple thought in a line,
But thinking hurt my mind,
I wish I had written something,
For whoever reads this,
Will actually know there is nothing.

INDIA GONE BY

Day in day out I wonder with only uncertainty around,
This year will be past and the year ahead to be found,
We are the progressive bodies blind and deaf to sound,
We don't see the poor or the poverty lurking in every town,
With the rising prices inflation for us is a celebrated noun,
This was our land of Bhagat, Sukhdev and Chandrashekhar,
But sadly their toil, sacrifice and loyalty have hardly any taker,
Characters or those who are characterless are found more,
Honesty is for sale and truth can be twisted without a roar,
To pick a common man's pocket in ways is the new game,
The players are the politicians and the referee are the lawyers,
Anna created the unrest and told us to follow the same test,
But We enjoy more Kolavari of Dhanush than Kaveri of India,
Shallow, materialistic and with stooped morals are We the people,
Only me is the motto and has left humanity in us a dying notion,
We abuse and hate poverty, unemployment and corruption,
But a step to change the same is a tough implementation,
The decorated ranks have humiliated the flag and the forces of our nation,
What more to say when 2kr is less for a filthy obnoxious Raja, a politician,
Celebrate, drink more and squander money without inhibition,
For India does shine but only with a lot less substance this time.  

Who am I ???

If someone asks another individual to describe about self then what should be the right answer. Judgement of one's own personality can possibly be the most daunting task than anything else. It is never easy to choose the right adjectives for self. In most of the cases the answer is the shadow of what people think of you. I am 22 years old and often wonder what aptly describes me however my struggle continues. Still through the experiences a person encounters, he can gauge to some extent who he really is. More varied they are, a finer and closer picture carves out. I don't know why suddenly this who am I thought has popped up in my mind. Maybe because I am forever struggling to define as to what I am supposed to do with my life. And the key to that answer is only if one knows who he is, what kind of personality he is carrying along with him.

                                                                             There are too many lists out there prescribing you with a what to do and not to do. Horoscopes coming out everyday telling you how you are going to behave day to day. Numerology will say you are going to be a bitch if the numbers add up to 5 and a good saintly personality if it adds up to 4. Wow! everybody else knows it all rather then the main lead. I am being very honest about the fact that I am actually at loss of words when asked to talk about myself. If you read the about me sections in facebook, twitter or orkut  my answers have been completely varying and largely made up of fancy to read words which sound cool. The real about me ain't there. My search for that elusive and quenching answer shall continue, till then I will assume what you have to say about me.

A RIDE FOR EVER

The start was not with love,

But they had it all 'arranged',

His one step towards her,

Was greeted with two from her,

They both had to live and survive,

But life for them had truly arrived,

With a partner to face it all together,

They let go of the worries and matters,

Beating down the saddening lows,

And living out the soaring highs,

They space dived in the zone of trust and love,

Only to come closer and be there forever,

Their marital bond will soon see the silver shining,

With many more miles to go ahead on the road,

We pray to let the fire burning and their car running

(dedicated to my parents who celebrated their 24th wedding anniversary this Novemeber.)

MIDNIGHT MISERIES

I have not moved an inch from here,

And my life has already traveled miles,

My wishes and aspirations are a maze,

For my brain too is a smokey haze,

On a night such as this cold one,

I wish to run as far and away from everyone,

With winter's seize and lonely breeze,

My brain asks me " where did all that fizz go? ",

And I say " Boy the soda was less and so went the gas "

I pass it as joke but truth kills me, pierces me, shreds me,

It is not the rejection or any sense of dejection inside,

Just some introspection and missing passion by my side.  

AN ODE OF A LOSER

His thoughts showed a winner,

But life branded him a loser,

His mistakes piled on,

But he refused to learn,

Aimlessly wandering around,

His mind felt chained and bound,

He hated himself head to toe,

And found he was his own foe,

Even smile eluded his face,

Just bitterness savored his taste,

With his life running at snail's pace,

He demanded only death to save his face.

( actually written on 8/Jan/11 in diary)

SHADOWS

One plays with the other,

Moving and pulling each,

Dark and defined rather,

They are there to also teach,

Real bones they do miss,

Just like puppets bound to bodies,

They are there to amuse,

Sometimes just to confuse.

THAT ONE NIGHT

 

A cold touch shooked me only to leave me aghast,

Dream I suspected it was and failed to see through,

My nerve twining got an impression  not so true,

That what loomed was some kind of haunted past.

Even my thundering voice betrayed me for unknown,

I lay there motionless waiting to be ravaged,

Perspiring and shivering my courage challenged,  

Suddenly something screamed out loud. 

To defend I launched my kick full blown,

Turned out the unknown was the one known,

It was my neighbor who now nursed his swollen bone,

We laughed unbound forgetting adults and grown.

Years will pass and memories will fade,

God's wish many more will be made,

But this lore deserves many more accolade,

After all it is truly the legend of the decade.

THEY WILL BE SHAMELESS ...

However hard you try to make them understand the logic, they refuse to even acknowledge let alone follow what I am saying. The issue although simple to put forward in words but every time I come across it, my heart seethes with anger. Food wastage in hostels. It has been five years for me in hostel and right from the start till now this problem has refused to fade away. It does not matter if you are in AIT, IIT or NIT hostel the scenario doesn't change. I can say this as I have lived in two different hostels in different cities. I don't understand the reason for this habit. Do they waste food in similar manner while they are at home. Of course not, there the plates will be licked till clean, so much so that you would doubt if they actually had a meal in that plate. Then what happens to them in hostel?
I tell my friends who sit with me for meal to not waste food. Most of them would blame the quality of food for their lousy habit. They are not ready to check their eating habits or even accept that yes 'I am at fault'. Stuffing their plates as if this is the last meal of their life is totally senseless. They can take less and can go again to refill but they won't. I continue to tell my friends because I saw one change his habit gradually. I can do this amongst my group but to the larger bunch, I cannot go and tutor.
Some where while surfing on the net I came across IIT-b hostels food wastage statistics and they were humongous. IIT-b has 14 hostels with each hostel having its own mess except those hostels 12, 13 and 14 have a combined mess. The amount of food wasted in each mess per day is given in Table 1. Assuming that each mess works nine months per year, amount of waste food generated per year in each mess has been calculated and given in Table 1.

And now when you add up all of it, 257040 Kg, i.e. around 257 tonnes is the amount !!! Shocked don't be because this just tip of the iceberg. There are lakhs of such messes, restaurants and hotels where the crime ( it is not less then that) is being committed day in day out. None of these so called mature decision making adults and highly educated students realize that there are the deprived ones who are not able to gather even one meal of the day let alone make a choice as to leave or consume something. We are so dead in our hearts that nothing bothers us. I know no government or prime minister is going to consider this as a big issue but the truth is otherwise.
How many hungry stomachs can be fed should be thought of. If this tonnes of wasted food in students plates is saved and supplied to these poor people, not only will it fill their hearts but bring a smile to their faces. It will restore the faith in them that yes people do care for each other. So I have a sincere request to all the students living in hostels to please show some responsibility, your right eating habits and cooperation can help someone else out there.
[cover photo editing by sid ;)]

FAUJA FINALLY GETS HITCHED

Fauja, as I fondly call my friend Kamal, got married on 8th December. I was fortunate enough to catch all the fun and hoopla. On the surprising note I got to know that the marriage gate opener of our batch was engaged way back in seventh semester. At some point I always knew fauja was going to be the one or rather the first one.

Venue: The wedding celebrations were to take place at his native place, a village with lush green mustard farms called Narnaul, located in Haryana.

How I Reached: To be honest not that smooth considering I was travelling from Nagpur. I landed up in New Delhi and stayed at my bro's place for a day. Next day on 7th December I took metro to Gurgaon. Metro is honestly the best thing to happen to Delhi in recent times. Cheers for Mr Shreedharan. Next was the task of scouting for that one elusive bus that will drop me to my destination. After jetting from one place to other I got the right bus. Reached Narnaul and then got to know his place was another 12 km from there. And I finally met fauja late in the evening. Fauja looked still the same chubby but glowing with red cheeks. Well the journey was good fun but I will consider next time going by my private charter plane, what say you?

The day I landed there ie 7th, one function was scheduled in the evening. The groom rides around the village on a horse with all the kith and kin following behind. Not to forget the music and the dance in full flow. It was good fun, dancing on the Haryaanvi songs. One of fauja's friend Manoj actually stole the show with his "fatak" dance. Poor horse was sagging under fauja's weight. I too showed what dancing is all about. All were back little late and the guest group ie me and fauja's school friends headed straight for our cosy dome. It was freaking chilly outside. Dinner was awesome. Tasty Desi Ghee laced thick chappati with hot Kadhi, halwa, sweets and a hot cuppa. I was the first one to surrender to sleep and rest chatted on for longer.

I fell in love with the morning in Narnaul. So peaceful, clear and with fresh air in abundance. It was the D-day and most of the action was in the evening only. So day was just spent in checking out places nearby. Wedding in a village is boon time for barbers. Half of the villagers flocking to get the right cut and the best shave from the "experts". First event was in the house where the center of attention fauja, was given presents by family members. He was loaded with cash although in a garland form. I was planning to lay my hand on it but missed.

I was waiting for any other soul from our batch who would turn up that day but they all came a little late. By evening everyone was ready to go. The main wedding function was arranged at bride's location, a little far from his place. The complete baraat was loaded into buses and cars. As the evening proceeded the winter started to kick in. We reached a mid way spot where the second function of the evening was scheduled. Something to do with bride's father and the groom. So after this groom was set, the horse seemed pretty excited, baraati's were busy complaining about winter and khaatirdaari, band-baaja was already in place. Barak and the Sapient boys also joined us there. It was really great meeting the ait buddies Rawat, Pha, Chauhan, Anurag and Barak.

Everyone was having a blast. Barak was in full mood that day. He was shaking like Elvis. Rawat was his usual self, doing the bolly mix dance he is known for. Pha was shying away a little and made me wonder if it was he who was getting married. The final Bhangra set the mood. Everyone was now waiting for Jaimaala to take place. Fauja smiling ear to ear grabbed his place on stage quickly. We all were waiting for Bhabhi ji to now grace the red carpet (it was not red though lighter a shade of red). Well to kill time in an Indian marriage the best thing to do is just go for sampling and tasting every dish being served. The attack mode switched soon enough.

Well I must say fauja ji and bhabhi ji were looking good togather. Fireworks followed by jaimaala. After that the usual photo stuff, posing and clicking. Rawat was too eager to get the middle place between groom and bride, I wonder why? After this were the Saat Pheras, although I lost track of the count after third one so not sure actually how many took place. I don't understand why marriages have to be such a long drawn affair. Surely fauja must have been praying "finish it of man!" But it all ended on a happy happy note for our dear fauja. So now they were Mr and Mrs Yadav. At the same time somewhere away from all this was a happy and content soul, Mr JDP. The reason, I am sure all the mechies of my batch would know.