INDIA GONE BY

Day in day out I wonder with only uncertainty around,
This year will be past and the year ahead to be found,
We are the progressive bodies blind and deaf to sound,
We don't see the poor or the poverty lurking in every town,
With the rising prices inflation for us is a celebrated noun,
This was our land of Bhagat, Sukhdev and Chandrashekhar,
But sadly their toil, sacrifice and loyalty have hardly any taker,
Characters or those who are characterless are found more,
Honesty is for sale and truth can be twisted without a roar,
To pick a common man's pocket in ways is the new game,
The players are the politicians and the referee are the lawyers,
Anna created the unrest and told us to follow the same test,
But We enjoy more Kolavari of Dhanush than Kaveri of India,
Shallow, materialistic and with stooped morals are We the people,
Only me is the motto and has left humanity in us a dying notion,
We abuse and hate poverty, unemployment and corruption,
But a step to change the same is a tough implementation,
The decorated ranks have humiliated the flag and the forces of our nation,
What more to say when 2kr is less for a filthy obnoxious Raja, a politician,
Celebrate, drink more and squander money without inhibition,
For India does shine but only with a lot less substance this time.  

Who am I ???

If someone asks another individual to describe about self then what should be the right answer. Judgement of one's own personality can possibly be the most daunting task than anything else. It is never easy to choose the right adjectives for self. In most of the cases the answer is the shadow of what people think of you. I am 22 years old and often wonder what aptly describes me however my struggle continues. Still through the experiences a person encounters, he can gauge to some extent who he really is. More varied they are, a finer and closer picture carves out. I don't know why suddenly this who am I thought has popped up in my mind. Maybe because I am forever struggling to define as to what I am supposed to do with my life. And the key to that answer is only if one knows who he is, what kind of personality he is carrying along with him.

                                                                             There are too many lists out there prescribing you with a what to do and not to do. Horoscopes coming out everyday telling you how you are going to behave day to day. Numerology will say you are going to be a bitch if the numbers add up to 5 and a good saintly personality if it adds up to 4. Wow! everybody else knows it all rather then the main lead. I am being very honest about the fact that I am actually at loss of words when asked to talk about myself. If you read the about me sections in facebook, twitter or orkut  my answers have been completely varying and largely made up of fancy to read words which sound cool. The real about me ain't there. My search for that elusive and quenching answer shall continue, till then I will assume what you have to say about me.

A RIDE FOR EVER

The start was not with love,

But they had it all 'arranged',

His one step towards her,

Was greeted with two from her,

They both had to live and survive,

But life for them had truly arrived,

With a partner to face it all together,

They let go of the worries and matters,

Beating down the saddening lows,

And living out the soaring highs,

They space dived in the zone of trust and love,

Only to come closer and be there forever,

Their marital bond will soon see the silver shining,

With many more miles to go ahead on the road,

We pray to let the fire burning and their car running

(dedicated to my parents who celebrated their 24th wedding anniversary this Novemeber.)

MIDNIGHT MISERIES

I have not moved an inch from here,

And my life has already traveled miles,

My wishes and aspirations are a maze,

For my brain too is a smokey haze,

On a night such as this cold one,

I wish to run as far and away from everyone,

With winter's seize and lonely breeze,

My brain asks me " where did all that fizz go? ",

And I say " Boy the soda was less and so went the gas "

I pass it as joke but truth kills me, pierces me, shreds me,

It is not the rejection or any sense of dejection inside,

Just some introspection and missing passion by my side.  

AN ODE OF A LOSER

His thoughts showed a winner,

But life branded him a loser,

His mistakes piled on,

But he refused to learn,

Aimlessly wandering around,

His mind felt chained and bound,

He hated himself head to toe,

And found he was his own foe,

Even smile eluded his face,

Just bitterness savored his taste,

With his life running at snail's pace,

He demanded only death to save his face.

( actually written on 8/Jan/11 in diary)

SHADOWS

One plays with the other,

Moving and pulling each,

Dark and defined rather,

They are there to also teach,

Real bones they do miss,

Just like puppets bound to bodies,

They are there to amuse,

Sometimes just to confuse.

THAT ONE NIGHT

 

A cold touch shooked me only to leave me aghast,

Dream I suspected it was and failed to see through,

My nerve twining got an impression  not so true,

That what loomed was some kind of haunted past.

Even my thundering voice betrayed me for unknown,

I lay there motionless waiting to be ravaged,

Perspiring and shivering my courage challenged,  

Suddenly something screamed out loud. 

To defend I launched my kick full blown,

Turned out the unknown was the one known,

It was my neighbor who now nursed his swollen bone,

We laughed unbound forgetting adults and grown.

Years will pass and memories will fade,

God's wish many more will be made,

But this lore deserves many more accolade,

After all it is truly the legend of the decade.

THEY WILL BE SHAMELESS ...

However hard you try to make them understand the logic, they refuse to even acknowledge let alone follow what I am saying. The issue although simple to put forward in words but every time I come across it, my heart seethes with anger. Food wastage in hostels. It has been five years for me in hostel and right from the start till now this problem has refused to fade away. It does not matter if you are in AIT, IIT or NIT hostel the scenario doesn't change. I can say this as I have lived in two different hostels in different cities. I don't understand the reason for this habit. Do they waste food in similar manner while they are at home. Of course not, there the plates will be licked till clean, so much so that you would doubt if they actually had a meal in that plate. Then what happens to them in hostel?
I tell my friends who sit with me for meal to not waste food. Most of them would blame the quality of food for their lousy habit. They are not ready to check their eating habits or even accept that yes 'I am at fault'. Stuffing their plates as if this is the last meal of their life is totally senseless. They can take less and can go again to refill but they won't. I continue to tell my friends because I saw one change his habit gradually. I can do this amongst my group but to the larger bunch, I cannot go and tutor.
Some where while surfing on the net I came across IIT-b hostels food wastage statistics and they were humongous. IIT-b has 14 hostels with each hostel having its own mess except those hostels 12, 13 and 14 have a combined mess. The amount of food wasted in each mess per day is given in Table 1. Assuming that each mess works nine months per year, amount of waste food generated per year in each mess has been calculated and given in Table 1.

And now when you add up all of it, 257040 Kg, i.e. around 257 tonnes is the amount !!! Shocked don't be because this just tip of the iceberg. There are lakhs of such messes, restaurants and hotels where the crime ( it is not less then that) is being committed day in day out. None of these so called mature decision making adults and highly educated students realize that there are the deprived ones who are not able to gather even one meal of the day let alone make a choice as to leave or consume something. We are so dead in our hearts that nothing bothers us. I know no government or prime minister is going to consider this as a big issue but the truth is otherwise.
How many hungry stomachs can be fed should be thought of. If this tonnes of wasted food in students plates is saved and supplied to these poor people, not only will it fill their hearts but bring a smile to their faces. It will restore the faith in them that yes people do care for each other. So I have a sincere request to all the students living in hostels to please show some responsibility, your right eating habits and cooperation can help someone else out there.
[cover photo editing by sid ;)]

FAUJA FINALLY GETS HITCHED

Fauja, as I fondly call my friend Kamal, got married on 8th December. I was fortunate enough to catch all the fun and hoopla. On the surprising note I got to know that the marriage gate opener of our batch was engaged way back in seventh semester. At some point I always knew fauja was going to be the one or rather the first one.

Venue: The wedding celebrations were to take place at his native place, a village with lush green mustard farms called Narnaul, located in Haryana.

How I Reached: To be honest not that smooth considering I was travelling from Nagpur. I landed up in New Delhi and stayed at my bro's place for a day. Next day on 7th December I took metro to Gurgaon. Metro is honestly the best thing to happen to Delhi in recent times. Cheers for Mr Shreedharan. Next was the task of scouting for that one elusive bus that will drop me to my destination. After jetting from one place to other I got the right bus. Reached Narnaul and then got to know his place was another 12 km from there. And I finally met fauja late in the evening. Fauja looked still the same chubby but glowing with red cheeks. Well the journey was good fun but I will consider next time going by my private charter plane, what say you?

The day I landed there ie 7th, one function was scheduled in the evening. The groom rides around the village on a horse with all the kith and kin following behind. Not to forget the music and the dance in full flow. It was good fun, dancing on the Haryaanvi songs. One of fauja's friend Manoj actually stole the show with his "fatak" dance. Poor horse was sagging under fauja's weight. I too showed what dancing is all about. All were back little late and the guest group ie me and fauja's school friends headed straight for our cosy dome. It was freaking chilly outside. Dinner was awesome. Tasty Desi Ghee laced thick chappati with hot Kadhi, halwa, sweets and a hot cuppa. I was the first one to surrender to sleep and rest chatted on for longer.

I fell in love with the morning in Narnaul. So peaceful, clear and with fresh air in abundance. It was the D-day and most of the action was in the evening only. So day was just spent in checking out places nearby. Wedding in a village is boon time for barbers. Half of the villagers flocking to get the right cut and the best shave from the "experts". First event was in the house where the center of attention fauja, was given presents by family members. He was loaded with cash although in a garland form. I was planning to lay my hand on it but missed.

I was waiting for any other soul from our batch who would turn up that day but they all came a little late. By evening everyone was ready to go. The main wedding function was arranged at bride's location, a little far from his place. The complete baraat was loaded into buses and cars. As the evening proceeded the winter started to kick in. We reached a mid way spot where the second function of the evening was scheduled. Something to do with bride's father and the groom. So after this groom was set, the horse seemed pretty excited, baraati's were busy complaining about winter and khaatirdaari, band-baaja was already in place. Barak and the Sapient boys also joined us there. It was really great meeting the ait buddies Rawat, Pha, Chauhan, Anurag and Barak.

Everyone was having a blast. Barak was in full mood that day. He was shaking like Elvis. Rawat was his usual self, doing the bolly mix dance he is known for. Pha was shying away a little and made me wonder if it was he who was getting married. The final Bhangra set the mood. Everyone was now waiting for Jaimaala to take place. Fauja smiling ear to ear grabbed his place on stage quickly. We all were waiting for Bhabhi ji to now grace the red carpet (it was not red though lighter a shade of red). Well to kill time in an Indian marriage the best thing to do is just go for sampling and tasting every dish being served. The attack mode switched soon enough.

Well I must say fauja ji and bhabhi ji were looking good togather. Fireworks followed by jaimaala. After that the usual photo stuff, posing and clicking. Rawat was too eager to get the middle place between groom and bride, I wonder why? After this were the Saat Pheras, although I lost track of the count after third one so not sure actually how many took place. I don't understand why marriages have to be such a long drawn affair. Surely fauja must have been praying "finish it of man!" But it all ended on a happy happy note for our dear fauja. So now they were Mr and Mrs Yadav. At the same time somewhere away from all this was a happy and content soul, Mr JDP. The reason, I am sure all the mechies of my batch would know.

EARTH

God intended it to be green, blue and yellow,

He forget what was to be remembered the most,

It was his, but to god it was a twisted mirage of reality ,

Shoddy and pale was the reflection of his black soul,

He chucked the wisdom and chuckled at his actions,

What lay behind was life, ahead was just the burnt ash .

(I am trying to give a mould to my thoughts and this is a start so only a small one this time.)

THE CHANGE OF ME

Somewhere when you are having all the fun, letting go of time to distant shores and unaware what is to come next, the situation holds. I can distinctly remember the fourth semester of my college, i think my results had come out few weeks back and that day i was feeling quite low. It was 2 in the night and i was sitting atop the tanker stalled on our hostel's terrace. As usual i was all by my self there. Shouting out loud, cursing, crying, wanting to punish myself in toughest possible manner. I was not in my senses, i abused my self loud, felt pity that best set of parents had to bear such a kid.

I was angry with my self like hell. That was one phase which started and has dragged me deep now. This was my mood two years back.

This is just two years later. Scene may seem repetitive, however the mood, the individual and the outlook has swivelled drastically. My intention is to compare the mood on these two very nights. Today also i was sitting n walking on hostel terrace all alone. However i was calmer then all those previous times, contemplating of what has transpired and what is to come. I was more in a confused state rather of anger.Music flowed through my ears into my soul. I felt somewhere i have to garner that confidence of which i was so proud of two years back. I have lost my aggressive streak, the one which i see in the FE's bunch. I am not worried of what i have done. Just thinking a lot.

I love myself as a calm composed man.

All this has been written in my state of trans !!!!. It definitely helps to pour out thoughts by writing.

THE FEELING OF BEING ENTRAPPED

After spending 31/2 years in engineering college, pursuing my course in my own animated way, today I am in a situation where I am virtually suffocated. I may be breathing physically but honestly, each second of mine is claustrophobic. Who is responsible for this, definitely me.The fact is, if u have less marks, world closes doors for you. Every bloody firm is harping on the fact 60% signifies hard work n understanding. I am frustrated, unable to find the vent that will give me opportunity.

Sometimes I think, has engineering been the right choice for me ? But simultaneously I do find machines and stuff interesting. Why can't the engineering be more practical oriented. This theory has left me dead and uninterested chap. I love it when I am working in event where I have to come up with some craft or make something. I have never ever understood I word in class in these three and half years. My studies have been what I have done.

I don't understand how u score marks. I have kept failing at gaining marks in exams and I am paying now. Placement season started and what was I doing, sitting back at home. Not being able to sit for a single firm and that too when not many are coming, has surely doomed my confidence and motivation. Moreover I have developed a defeatist attitude which is going to lead me nowhere .

Every time I write something I pray to god to show me that one path and I promise I will work hard because I know, it will be the only thing I can cling on to. Fear of not being able to meet the standards set by my parents worries my heart all the time. For me they have led a successful life which I want to extend to future lanes.

My parents have supported me in everything I have done or I had wished to do. Even during this time my father and mother have been pushing me with the amount of positivity that makes me feel I have betrayed them. My father feels I have it in me to make it big, he feels I am intelligent and capable enough of being the best. Is this the best in me ?

I want to end this here because words don't stop when my mind awakens to life's horror story.