After spending 31/2 years in engineering college, pursuing my course in my own animated way, today I am in a situation where I am virtually suffocated. I may be breathing physically but honestly, each second of mine is claustrophobic. Who is responsible for this, definitely me.The fact is, if u have less marks, world closes doors for you. Every bloody firm is harping on the fact 60% signifies hard work n understanding. I am frustrated, unable to find the vent that will give me opportunity.
Sometimes I think, has engineering been the right choice for me ? But simultaneously I do find machines and stuff interesting. Why can't the engineering be more practical oriented. This theory has left me dead and uninterested chap. I love it when I am working in event where I have to come up with some craft or make something. I have never ever understood I word in class in these three and half years. My studies have been what I have done.
I don't understand how u score marks. I have kept failing at gaining marks in exams and I am paying now. Placement season started and what was I doing, sitting back at home. Not being able to sit for a single firm and that too when not many are coming, has surely doomed my confidence and motivation. Moreover I have developed a defeatist attitude which is going to lead me nowhere .
Every time I write something I pray to god to show me that one path and I promise I will work hard because I know, it will be the only thing I can cling on to. Fear of not being able to meet the standards set by my parents worries my heart all the time. For me they have led a successful life which I want to extend to future lanes.
My parents have supported me in everything I have done or I had wished to do. Even during this time my father and mother have been pushing me with the amount of positivity that makes me feel I have betrayed them. My father feels I have it in me to make it big, he feels I am intelligent and capable enough of being the best. Is this the best in me ?
I want to end this here because words don't stop when my mind awakens to life's horror story.
harsh but true
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